We usually have people in our lives that are important to us for all sorts of reasons. We have friends, doctors, dentists, car mechanics, etc. in our lives who we count on for things that we need. So why does having a therapist bring up fears of dependency for so many people?

One possibility is that it is terrifying to be ‘known’. What we mean is the prospect of someone seeing and experiencing those aspects of our self that we carry shame around. At the same time there may be a longing to be connected and understood. So we can end up with this internal struggle that is very ambivalent about connecting with a therapist who is trained to connect with us in a deep and meaningful way.

For many of us the attachment process (our ability to connect with and feel safe with people) has been disrupted. For some this means they want to avoid any attachment as it is dangerous and unpleasant. For these folks they have disconnected from their need for attachment and are ‘going it alone’ in the world. They tend to avoid being known because they are afraid it will be used against them.

Then there are folks who want to connect but don’t believe they can have what they want. They have had the rug pulled out from under them too many times and expect that people will leave and not be there for them. These folks fear of loss and abandonment fuels their need to hold on to any connection. In a different way they protect themselves from being known AND attempt to control the connection.

As your therapist we are interested in paying attention to you and ‘knowing’ you.